A Look Back and the View Ahead

A Look Back

To be blunt, 2010 was quite a year at our house. What started as our usual fun trip to Florida developed into our own personal odyssey that we hope is not soon, if ever, repeated. I will not rehash all that happened here but a couple of observations are in order. Over the holidays we have had many visits with loved ones, and it is clear that, for me, I lived May and June pretty much in a drug-induced fog or coma. People will mention things, and I vaguely at best have some idea what they are talking about. All I can say is that I am glad 2010 is over and that it ended on a very positive note health wise.

Diane and I ended the year with a bang. Clean bill of health on November 29th, precancerous face treatment on December 1st, PEG removed on the 3rd, a great week in Chicago December 7-13 visiting family and friends, and finally a visit with the grandsons, Jennifer and John in Texas December 14-22. It is good to be back home, but it was exciting.

As I assess 2010 and the state of my health, I need to be honest with myself. I am better, much better, but I am not 100% nor will I ever be. I need to get my hands around this "new normal." I am walking an hour everyday and lately have even done so outside bundled up quite well. BUT, I still have an occasional choking episode--nothing too dramatic, just a quick exit from the table while I expectorate to clear my throat passage--more embarrassing than anything else. The salivary gland issue is a pain but is what it is and is endurable. My major complaint or issue is the taste buds. Imagine eating EVERY meal, and it is never pleasurable. I get it done but can't taste much and have to gulp lots of water to simply get the food down to where it needs to go. I can taste a little but not like the old days and it is frustrating and frankly a bit depressing. I'm told by my sponsors, Don Patterson and Maury Coats, that it will get better over time but yes, I'm a little impatient.

Also, it's the little things that get my attention. I get pain in the back of my head at the end of the day, have an occasional nasty bloody nose, don't feel like jogging or doing some of the high energy things I used to take for granted. My guess is, this is all part of the deal that comes with poisoning your body with chemo and radiation while killing the cancer so I am not surprised, just wondering what part of all this is cancer related and what part is being almost age 65. It has only been 7 months since treatment stopped and I'm told, "give it a year" so I will dutifully acknowledge that reality and reserve lamenting this part of recovery until June 10, 2011. All in all, 2010 an interesting year for the Taylor family but I am clearly ready to have the focus off me and on brighter topics in 2011.

The View Ahead

I am confident that 2011 will be not a good, but an excellent year as my recovery progresses. I have made ONE major decision and believe it is in my best interest but know it will disappoint some of our Florida friends. While taking a long walk along the waterfront in Corpus Christi a couple of weeks ago, it dawned on me that two months traveling to, staying in and returning from Florida to Macomb driving 3000 miles might not be the ticket to good health for Gordy Taylor in 2011. There is a certain comfort to my "routine" at 35 Indian Trail and the stability it brings me. Short trips are fine but for now, I don't think I'm ready for the "long haul." Consequently, we have decided to "stay put" for the next couple of months with the exception of a return trip to Texas by Diane in January and a possibly brief visit to Chicago in February.

I will keep busy with Across the Miles and visits to the Spencer Rec Center on campus to walk and attempt to build up a little muscle tone after the misadventures of the past year. We will finally use some of those Marriott points and venture to South Beach Miami for two weeks the last week of February and first week of March--come on, you didn't think we could totally wean ourselves from Florida did you? I am comfortable with this decision and based on where my body is now, feel moderation is the way to go in 2011. Our best to all of you for a healthy, happy, productive 2011.

Merry Christmas, Season's Greetings, Happy New Year

October 2010

The following is our Christmas letter for 2010. God has blessed us in so many ways. Right now in Macomb a beautiful snowfall has made for a winter wonderland and a white Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Season’s Greetings, Happy New Year!
The year 2010 was another eventful year for the Taylors. As you would expect, there was both good and bad news but that is the nature of life.

Diane’s parents are doing well. Harry (89) is in a nursing home with vascular dementia and Anna (87 on Christmas Day) is in the next building that is an assisted living facility. Brother Paul and his wife Marsha do a wonderful job of helping them.

The Stevensons continue to reside in Corpus Christi, TX. Luke (6) loves being in Kindergarten and James is a very talkative 2 year-old. John continues to work as a construction foreman. In addition to being a mom, Jen manages an apartment complex. We had a fun visit with them in February in Fort Myers Beach, FL, and another one in Macomb in October. We wish they lived closer, but we see them as often as possible. There is much excitement in our family as baby number 3 is due May 31, 2011.

Gordon and Lisa reside in Chicago where he is the Associate Director of Sales at the Hyatt Regency. Lisa recently took a position as the National Director of Marketing and Public Relations for BBJ Linen which has 24 U.S. offices. In September, they vacationed in London, Paris, and Zurich where they had a fabulous time.

Ryan is entering his sixth year as an associate at the Tressler LLP law firm in the Sears/Willis Tower. Ryan and Gordon attend as many Chicago-area supporting events as their busy schedules permit. It is comforting having our sons and Lisa close enough that we can see them on a fairly regular basis.

Reluctantly, the biggest event this year goes to Gordy. In February he complained of a sore throat and earache and in early March was diagnosed with base of tongue squamous cell carcinoma. The treatment of this type of cancer involved 35 radiation sessions and 5 chemotherapy infusions over 7 weeks beginning April 22nd and ending June 10th. Simply stated, the diagnosis is devastating, the treatment is awful, and recovery is slow. However, the prognosis is excellent as Gordy’s recent PET scan results indicate that he is clear of cancer for now. This has been an experience none of us will ever forget. Our “c” journey can be followed on http://www.gordytaylor2010.blogspot.com

Our roles as patient and caregiver have brought us even closer together after 42 years of marriage. It has been quite an adventure. Diane always wanted to be in the medical profession, and “Dr. Diane” got her chance administering meds and taking care of Gord. Diane finally felt comfortable leaving “the patient” and attended her nephew Derek’s wedding in July, spent four days in Chicago with one of her Macomb friends, visited the Stevensons in August, and traveled to New York City in October with longtime friends from our days on Glenoak Drive.

Please accept our sincere and heartfelt thanks for your cards, letters, emails, phone calls, visits, meals, driving, flowers, conversations, and last but certainly not the least, prayers. They comforted us, gave us hope, and helped to get us through this ordeal. People have been very generous in sharing their good will with the Taylors, and this has been sustaining and nurturing. We want to reach out this joyous holiday season to those who have lifted us up with their kindnesses with a huge thank you! We are humbled and blessed. This has been a special year. Best wishes for a joyous and healthy 2011.

Quotables

The past week was rather frenetic but also fun as we shopped and ate our way through Chicago. Progress on the taste bud front is painstakingly slow and food simply does not have much taste. I eat not because it tastes good but because I have to and this is a major adjustment for me. However, as Dr. Diane says, "December 10th marked 6 months since the last radiation treatment and it will be another 6 months before you have an accurate baseline as to how far you will come back from this odyssey."

There have been some interesting quotes thrown our way since March. We want to share some of them in no particular order:

If you are going through hell, keep going. by Winston Churchill
We knew this was going to be difficult and we needed to forge ahead each day. This quote was sent to us by many.

Take it one day at a time.
We had to do this. If at the beginning of treatment, we had to think about 35 radiation blasts, it would have been overwhelming so instead after each treatment, we crossed that day off the calendar. It made things more manageable.

How could Gordy Taylor get cancer of the tongue? His tongue never stops moving. Wayne McDaniel, Alumni Director Emeritus, University of Florida

What happened to the other 25 percent? Gordy Taylor after being informed by the ENT specialists that this type of cancer has a 75 percent recovery rate.

You idiot, your immune system has been severely compromised. TV producer Mark Dial when I said I tire easily.

You gotta believe. Jack Margenthaler, former head men's basketball coach at WIU.

You look thinner. How did you manage to lose weight? A friend who will go unnamed who knew of my condition but had a momentary mental lapse.

Please, God, make Papa get better so that we can play together. Grandson Luke Stevenson saying his nightly prayers.

I hate canned pears and applesauce. Gordy Taylor on his new diet.

Keep your positive mental attitude during this battle. Many friends and family.

Get better so you can plant more tulips. Sue Hunter Pearce

Sometimes I think men need to quit being such babies and man up and take it like a man and do what is right and don't let things beat you. Face it head on and see what you're made of. Your situation is grave; you have a choice too. I think you are doing all the right things. I bet your dad would be extremely proud of you. Gordon A. Taylor III

Everybody's trip comes to an end sometime, so it doesn't pay to obsess over when that might be, just focus on the job at hand--living life as we know it. Jerry Baranowski, WIU class of 1968

Okay, let's move on to Plan B. Diane Taylor when told her husband had a couple of "hot spots."

Let Go and Let God. Many folks suggested we do everything possible to battle the cancer and then turn it over to God as we had done everything we could do.

It if hurts, don't do it. If you're tired, rest. Dr. William McGinnis, Director of the Cancer Care Center in West Burlington, IA.

I can't believe you're going to mow the lawn. Diane Taylor to her idiot husband ten days after the end of radiation.

I don't have to wait for the report to tell you, it's malignant. Dr. Alexander Lozano, ENT specialist who performed the biopsy, to Diane.

What can I do to help? Friends and family.

It's time to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. Unknown author. Diane loves this quote. Recently, her sister Ruth from Denver gave her a t-shirt with this saying printed on it just in case she ever forgets. During this battle with cancer as a caregiver, time wallowing in sadness and pity was out of the question. After all it was a war.

REFLECTIONS

Sunset at Fort Myers Beach, Florida

It has been a week since our good news on Monday, and we are finally slowing down and allowing ourselves to adjust to our good fortune. We did make a quick trip to Springfield on Tuesday/Wednesday as I had an appointment at the Southern Illinois University Med Center to get my face "blasted" to remove a bunch of precancerous cells. They put me under a "blue light" for 20 minutes and for a couple of days my face was "on fire." It is now full of red blotches, and I'm staying inside so as to not scare the neighbor children. We thought about putting a photo of me on the blog, but it would make you ill to look at me. The good news is that this is all temporary and should clear up in a week or so. The dermatologist says this has nothing to do with base of tongue cancer.

Then on Thursday morning, and I'm quoting another tongue cancer survivor, I "broke up with PEG!" Dr. Card, my local surgeon, had me lie down on a table and he said, "if this doesn't come out easily, we will go over to the hospital and do it." And with that, a quick pull and PEG and I officially parted company. There has been a little bleeding but that was to be expected and, of course, Dr. Diane has been there to (1) change the dressing and (2) tell me to slow down--go figure. I had been warned that acute pain can accompany PEG removal but fortunately for me that was not the case. Way to go, Dr. Card!!

Thursday afternoon, it hit us head on. I laid in my bed glad that it was all over. No more radiation, no more chemo (we hope), PEG removed, and my face treated. It was over, really over. I have no more doctors to see in the near future. As I relaxed in bed, I did just that: relaxed and thought how lucky I am. Diane played some bridge that afternoon, and then it hit her. She walked in the house, had a bowl of cereal, and went to bed. I think for the first time she could put all this behind her. I know I've been through a lot but Diane has been there every step of the way and as caretaker, this has had to have taken a toll on her.

Diane and I both feel a sense of relief and tranquility. It is difficult to verbalize, but we feel we are gradually getting our lives back from this visit to the precipice. Mind you, the journey is probably never over as one never knows what the future holds, but for now a feeling of peace. Heck, last night I had a "mild" choking episode but nothing like in the past; I simply let my guard down and wasn't paying attention to my chewing then water regimen.

All of this good fortune has been made even more poignant to us by the death this week at age 62 from aggressive prostate cancer of our local State Representative who was one of the world's nicest, most thoughtful men. The world is diminished by his passing. At the visitation, it hit us like a ton of bricks as we paid our last respects. In an email I received this week from Chuck Vokral, he said "God has shined on Gordy." That pretty much says it all. I am aware that the recovery component of all this continues but for now we plan to savour the moment and simply enjoy life.

We are off to Chicago Tuesday to see family and friends and then to Corpus Christi prior to Christmas to see Jennifer and her bustling family. In January, Diane will return to Corpus and then we intend to head to Florida for 6 weeks or so from early February until mid March followed (I told you this doesn't entirely disappear) by a visit to the Ear, Nose,Throat doctor at the end of the month.

But for now, this feeling of peace is to be taken and digested one day at a time. Like no other time in our lives, Diane and I are cognizant of the fragility of life and the reality that it can be swept away at any time. This is a sobering reality but our experience has made us ever more appreciative of the gift of life.

Happy Days are Here Again!!!

DATELINE: Cancer Care Center, West Burlington, IA.

DATE: November 29, 2010

APPOINTMENTS: 10:00, 11:00, 12:30, 1:30

RESULTS: ALL GOOD.

Today is a day we will not soon forget. We think about what could have happened and didn't. Every visit to each doctor was excellent in terms of the results we received. The hot spot located near my upper breast bone is gone. The smaller one located near my vocal chords is there but no one seems to think it is cancerous. The Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor did a thorough visual scope/examination of my base of tongue, throat, and vocal chords and saw nothing.

Here is the prognosis: I am to see the ENT doctor at the end of March and there's probably no need to see the other doctors unless my situation changes for the worse. There are no guarantees here but we could not have gotten better news. We have kept our emotions pretty much in check until now as we type this and are overwhelmed with emotion. This has been quite a 9 month roller coaster ride. When one deals with cancer, I'm told, the prospect of recurrence is always there but for now the 800 pound gorilla has been sent back to Jane Goddall where he belongs.

There is more good news. As of Thursday morning at 8:45, PEG will become history. Don Patterson will then have to share center stage with me as one of two men in Macomb to have 2 navels. Diane sold the doctors on my ability to move on without PEG. She somehow convinced them that I'm disciplined, focused, and goal-oriented--go figure. I will now supplement my diet with Ensure Plus and Boost Plus. We both think this is doable which is a good thing as we plan to be in Chicago and Texas in December.

More reports will be forthcoming as this journey is not yet over but we do want to say from the bottom of our hearts: THANKS TO ALL OF YOU for the support that you have provided us these past 9 months. It's hard to believe that on March 1, 2010 our lives were pretty much as they had always been but on March 2nd, they changed forever. Diagnosis, PEG insertion, radiation, chemotherapy, 50 trips to Burlington, sickness, a stay in the hospital, substantial weight loss, and probably worst of all for me: the inability to speak for 2 weeks. You can all stop laughing at this point. And so it goes.....

Options

Lou Gehrig, Yankee Stadium

The PET-CT scan is in the books. Since my appointment was at 6:30 this morning, we spent the night at David and Gretchen Miller's home. This way we dodged the early morning deer and it made for a less stressful day. I was told to do nothing the day before the test except drink water, drink water, drink water. No walking. No working in the yard. No nothing. So I was a good boy did just that. We get the results on Monday, the 29th. At this point, I assume one of five things will happen. Of course even though I'm a doctor, I'm not the kind who can help anyone medically. Here's what I think could happen in descending order of desirability:

1. The "hot spots" are gone and the PET-CT scan is clear.

2. The "hot spots" are still there but too soon to do anything and they need to be watched and monitored.

3. The "hot spots" have grown since August 25th, and it is time for more radiation.

4. The "hot spots" have grown and neck dissection surgery is in order.

5. Call my son the lawyer and get my affairs in order.

If the way I feel is any indication, it will be option number 1 or 2. Gee, on Monday old friends Bob and Donna O'Toole drove from Downers Grove to Macomb, and we had a lovely visit. We went out for lunch and I had a cup of chicken noodle soup, some potato chips, a pickle, and some of Diane's chicken salad sandwich including the bread. Oh, and I forgot--12 glasses of water.

For me, November 29th is Thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July, Diane's birthday, my birthday, and the kids' birthdays all rolled into one in terms of its significance. We will do a blog post late Monday afternoon upon our return to Macomb after our doctors' appointments.

Regardless of the results, good or bad, I have remained steadfast in my appraisal of my situation. I'm borrowing here what Lou Gehrig, the famous Yankee baseball player, said it best after he had been diagnosed with ALS which is a disease that carries his name. In front of a full house at Yankee Stadium on July 4, 1939, Gehrig gave his farewell speech. He said, "Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth." I must admit that as I compose this, I am overwrought with emotion. I have much for which to be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!

Dinner Date, Discipline, New Friends

At the counter with James and Luke in October 2009
Part of Chris on the left.

I got a bright idea last week--an actual Friday night date with Diane. We hadn't been out together alone at night, and I thought it was time. I was wrong. Breakfast and lunch are fine. We dress casual, and we are in and out. At breakfast, I usually order an egg and water (now that's a visual) and then pirate some of Diane's pancake or whatever else is on her plate. Lunch is pretty much the same as I order soup and then help myself to whatever Diane has ordered. But a date is different.

We both showered, put on reasonably nice clothes, used a little fragrance, and then savoured a glass of Sauvignon Blanc wine while listening to the old standards music like Sinatra, Julie London, and Peggy Lee. The evening began nicely and soon we were off for our 7:00 reservation. We were seated a nice table at Magnolia's and owner Lisa Ward was attentive to our every need. The three of us visited a bit and then we ordered. That's when it happened. After our salads arrived, we began eating and I made eye contact with Diane. After 42 years of marriage without saying a word, the eyes tell the story. Diane looked over and said, "Gord, you don't have to eat all of it." I took another bite or two and pushed it aside asking for a to go box for salad. Can you believe it? The entree was served and it was excellent. However, you could sense the sadness at our table as I looked at Diane and new immediately what was wrong. She reluctantly admitted that it broke her heart to watch me struggle to eat my dinner. I now realize with certainty that at the present time I no longer live to eat but rather eat to live. Going out for dinner used to be one of our small pleasures and entertainment but that will be on hold in the near future. The restaurant setting was fine, the company terrific, and the food excellent but the "magic" just wasn't there. As we drove home, Diane and I reminded ourselves that we are dealing with cancer and its aftermath. Our lives in many ways have evolved to the new normal and we take an awful lot for granted.

It's no secret; Gordy Taylor has a Type A personality who enjoys being active. I like routine, am a planner, and like to keep busy. For a while, my routine was to lay in bed, take medication, take product, and sleep. Now my life has some normalcy to it. I am convinced I have been well served and Diane would agree with this that my over zealous discipline has expedited my recovery. I have not yet missed a product feeding which means I get up in the middle of the night, have a drink of water, and hook up 2 cans of product through PEG. Currently, I ingest 4 cans of product per day, and a bottle of Ensure Plus and Boost Plus. I don't allow myself to miss a feeding. Walking an hour a day is part of my daily regimen, and I seldom skip a day. To my credit, I have done everything the doctors have instructed me to do, but then it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that following their directives is in my best interest.

We have been customers of Ford Hopkins Pharmacy on the Macomb Square for 40 years. We simply like to support local businesses. But things are different now as Ford Hopkins has become a daily stop for me. It is more than a little bit like Norm on Cheers. I walk in the front door and greeted by Roberta at the front counter. As I walk past the old time soda fountain, I call out to the smiling Chris "what does a guy have to do to get a vanilla malt to go?" She laughs; I laugh. Then I put $3.06 on the counter and proceed back to the pharmacy department where I exchange pleasantries with pharmacists Leslie and owner Rick Crossett. If I have a prescription to get, Marilyn is there behind the second counter to handle that process. These five wonderful folks have, for the time being, become part of my daily routine. Life in a small town--you can't beat it.