Seeking Equilibrium

I have always been very active, and for me, sports has been my primary relief. I played touch football into my 30s, basketball into my 40s, and softball until age 60. One constant through all of this has been jogging though in the past few years, I have discovered Western's fabulous Spencer Recreation Center where I do the elliptical and a little work on the weights. Gordy Taylor has not been in the Rec Center since mid April. My goal is to resume visits to the Rec Center in October when outside walks become more difficult because of the weather. There is little doubt that Dr. Diane will monitor my return and try to control my level of intensity. This is okay with me as I tend to get an idea in my head and then take it too far.

Lately, I have played a little tennis--nothing too vigorous and it's doubles so not too much running. Not sure what is happening but I've always been pretty agile and quick. I didn't say good just able to move around pretty well. A new era has begun. My mind says "go for it, you can make that shot" but my body says "who are you kidding?" If someone were filming me, I fear I'd look like a 95-year old man attempting to play a young person's game. My body seems to be much more rigid and inflexible than I can remember.

Now, Dr. Diane informs me that I really haven't done much since April and "hey, Gord, you had cancer, radiation, chemotherapy, were hospitalized twice, slept 17 hours per day, and were in the prone position the other 7 hours. You were one sick puppy and your body naturally atrophied. While you have come back, your muscle tone is not what it was so remember, PATIENCE." There's that word again. It is obvious my body like my mind is seeking a new equilibrium in terms of balance regarding what I will be able to do in the future.

No one comes back 100% after head/neck cancers, and I'm told 80% is a good number to shoot for in terms recovery expectations. Since I have always been so active, my guess is my 80% will be tolerable. This is another adjustment I need to cope with; it's not easy. I have given up so many things--food, wine, diet coke, popcorn, sandwiches, red meat, ice tea, lemonade, and vigorous exercise. When added together, it seems like a lot to me but then, on the other hand, every day above ground is a great day!!! So shut up, Gordy, and get on with my life.

I watch more tv than I used to and last night I caught the last half hour of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles starring John Candy and Steve Martin. I laughed out loud and then at the end, I cried like a baby. The message of the movie is about friendships, and I'm reminded how lucky I am in that regard. One final observation here while on the topic of emotions. I have always been a softy when it comes to tugs at the heart strings, but I find myself more sentimental and subject to tearing up more than I can ever remember. This is okay. My list of tear jerkers includes Brian's Song, My Dog Skip, Old Yeller, and of course Sophie's Choice but these days, I can get emotional watching a good commercial. And so it goes.....