Sustenance, Scholarship, and Stand Up Slowly!

Food intake is a struggle and will continue to be so in the months ahead. I will remain a captive of Macomb until I can find a way to substitute real food for "product." When people wake up in the morning, they go about their daily business which includes eating and drinking. Whatever choices they make, they probably include breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cereal, toast, sandwiches, cheese, vegetables, fruit, roasts, chicken etc.--you get the point. Eating is a natural activity and while some diet, most folks just eat. Seems simple enough but not for me. I have to take 7 cans of product per day to get me at 2100 calories. As I was walking this morning, I thought about it. I have to fight to get calories in my body while most people never give food consumption a second thought. Somehow I'm going to have to make the transition from PEG to real food but to date, this is a real challenge and one I have not yet been able to conquer. Believe it or not, Diane says "PATIENCE, it will come!"

Yesterday I drank some Ensure which means I sat on the front porch and finished a half a bottle (4 ounces) in about 10 minutes after which I promptly went to the back yard and threw it up. Of course, Diane asked if I had just started with a sip or two and I replied, "of course not, I need to substitute 7 cans of this for 7 cans of product." Diane shook her head and said, "NOT all at once, remember baby steps." We shall try again.

We had a wonderful experience the other day. While buying cards at Kirlin's Hallmark Store in Macomb, the young woman who checked us out said, "Oh, I'm so happy to see both of you in the store. I want to say thank you as I am the first recipient of the Taylor Scholarship given to a Spoon River College transfer student to WIU." We had a nice visit and it surely brightened our day that she took the time to thank us in person. Spoon River College and WIU are two higher learning institutions that have been good to us. It was nice to see our philanthropic support actually help somebody.

I spend a lot of time in bed in the horizontal position more than ever before in my life. Consequently, my circulation is not quite what it should be and when I stand up too quickly, I get light-headed and dizzy. Diane cautions me on this frequently, and I'm hit or miss in terms of listening to her. Habits are hard to break. Generally, at night I get up at about 3 a.m. and climb in bed with Diane until about 5 a.m. when I hook up to 2 cans of product. No big thing, just a little time together. The other night while in bed with Diane at 4 a.m., I needed to get a drink of water so I quickly and promptly stood up and took a step towards the bathroom. The next thing the light came on and Diane was shouting at me as I thrashed around the floor. I got up and had my drink of water and returned to bed. It was then it hit me. I had fainted!! I laughed; she didn't. But I now stand up slowly, or at least I try to remember to do so.

Another rainy day here so we are off to the basement to do a little organizing before I hook up to dear ole PEG. As I feel better these days and am off almost all pain killer meds, I need to find little things to do to keep busy. I have plenty of books but that just doesn't appeal to me at this time. I am getting better but Diane reminds me that it hasn't even been 5 weeks since my last radiation. Maybe a little mac and cheese tonight--a LITTLE portion.