It has been an interesting couple of weeks. The weather here has been such that outside activities have been quite limited--just a little too cold for me to get out in the yard. This hasn't happened for a couple of years, but Gordy Taylor officially has cabin fever. I find myself walking around the house looking for things to occupy my time. Soon the weather will change and all will be well with the world.
During my daily walks when I'm alone (meaning Diane is not with me), I have a chance to think. I constantly remind myself of my good fortune, and as a matter of fact, in church today Rev. Russ Smith talked about the miracle of recovery from a potentially terminal illness. Why do some of us survive and others do not? As I make progress, and that is happening, I realize that cancer is always there lurking in the background. Like others who are currently "cancer free," we wonder what tomorrow will bring. Cancer is cunning, mean, unforgiving, baffling, powerful, life-changing, and patient. Oh, so patient.
I wonder daily about my health. Every new ache or pain or physical change has the potential to change my life. I try not to let these things bother me, but it is difficult not to wonder. After all, this journey started over lunch with a sore throat followed by a couple days later an earache. Cancer shakes one's self-confidence, diminishes health, and has caused me to lose a bit of my "devil may care" attitude about the world in which I live. The innocence I once had about life and death is no more as I am now acutely aware of the fragility of life.
The past couple of weeks have been difficult for Diane and me as we have lost 6 people ranging in age from 9 months to 68. For some, the time had simply come, for another cancer was the culprit, for a young man an auto accident, and for the baby a sudden and tragic ending. It's been a bit of roller coaster--here today and gone tomorrow. No doubt the fact that I'm aging explains part of this but not all of it.
I am reminded of the sage advice I received while walking on the beach in Florida 1990. A woman I ran into on my morning walk said, "remember, always remember, every day above ground is a great day." She is absolutely correct. I intend to enjoy each day for the gift it is because we are not invincible and some day will indeed be our last day. Believe me, I am fine, life is good, but sometimes it is good for us to pause and reflect on the temporary nature of our existence.
