Comfort Zone

Dixon Correctional Center, Dixon, IL

As I approach my 65th birthday which I'm told is one of those life milestones, I've had occasion to reflect on the topic of comfort zones. Until last year, I'd spent the overwhelming portion of my life in a vast comfort zone. I'd led a pretty much idyllic life as things always seemed to fall in place for me. The only exception to this was during the Ph.D. pursuit. For some this is an exciting academic adventure. For me, it was awful, painful, and degrading. Without getting into great detail, every time I'd get within 50 miles of Gainesville, Florida, home of the University of Florida, I would find myself breaking out in nervous perspiration. Now this is not the kind of sweat you get from exercise but rather the pungent type that comes from fear, nervousness, and anxiety. Fortunately, I was able to return to my comfort zone in June 1980 with the Ph.D. in hand.

The past year has provided three separate incidences where Diane and I have exited our comfort zones: twice voluntarily and once by necessity. Neither one of us is a big risk taker and we like staying within the "box." While we enjoy travel and new experiences, we also like stability and predictability. It is no secret that Diane and I like people and when possible try and show others how we feel about them. This is just the way we are and of course my recent odyssey has returned the favor to us many times over. One recurring theme in this blog and our lives is the importance of family and friends. Relationships sustain, nurture, and enrich us.

Our cancer experience clearly shook us to our foundation and abruptly moved from a tranquil Florida respite to a world of doctor appointments, hospitals, biopsies, CT-scans, MRIs, PET-scans, PEG, chemo therapy, radiation, and the MASK. And that's just for starters. While I have entered a new comfort zone, I still get little reminders that not everything is where I want it to be. My taste buds remain compromised, salivary activity is an issue, and I had a couple of choking episodes while in Chicago last week--nothing serious but it happens. Trust me, a serious illness has a dramatic impact on those closest to you.

Because of my job as the "alumni guy," Diane and I had occasion to visit nursing homes on a regular basis. People we got to know when I got into alumni programs in 1978 simply aged. They had become our friends and while we were in our 30's, they were in their 70's, 80's, and beyond. Just because their residences may have changed our friendships did not. We simply were more mobile than they and that continues to this day. Let me be clear. I don't think either of us ever woke up in the morning and said, "Oh good, let's go to a nursing home today." Yet, we would wake up and say, "let's go visit George or Joe or Olive or Margaret or Mabel or whomever." My guess is you've all been to a nursing home and there are parts of that experience that are not pleasant but you still go. Our experience has been that even if you find yourself out of your comfort zone when visiting someone in long-term care, it is important to remember the comfort you bring to the person you visit.

You never know where a friendship will take you. Last week, Diane and I visited a college classmate who finds himself in the Dixon Correctional Center. He is a kind and gentle man. He actually lived in Seal Hall at WIU when I did, and we shared some life experiences. His incarceration is a tragic story and to say the least, he is way out of his comfort zone but copes as best he can. It took a little coaxing to get Diane to join me in a trip to a prison, but friendships run deep and no surprise here, Diane is a good sport. As we pulled up to the prison, I thought "oh my God, it is the Shawshank Prison." Our comfort level reached a new low when we entered the prison walls and were patted down and made to put all our belongings into a locker. Sitting there with our friend was not uncomfortable but we couldn't help but feel emotions of profound sadness for his predicament while simultaneously feeling that we were making his day just a little better than it otherwise may have been. We shall return.

Don't be afraid to exit your comfort zone to support or help a friend or family member. You know who you are but there's no doubt in my mind that for some of you seeing me at 153 pounds at 35 Indian Trail took you out of your comfort zone but you did it. And for that, THANKS!!