A Long Day's Journey Into Night?

I never read much Eugene O'Neill, but for the last couple of days, the theme of this play resonates with me. I'm working on my patience, but I just want to start my treatment!! The left side of my throat is always sore and I feel like this damn thing is growing. Now remember, this is my blog so I intend to be honest. Eating anything is a chore, and I chew extensively followed by an immediate gulp of water or ice tea in order to "get it down." This is not pretty or tasteful but it is functional. Mornings used to be a good time but now they seem to be just a precursor to what the rest of the day has in store.

Since I'm doing this, I might as well lay it all out there. I get up in the morning and take a couple of low-grade pain pills and three stool softeners. As the day evolves, I find occasion to take 3 vicoden between 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. Just prior to bedtime I take a couple of Tylenol PM. I awake between 2:30 and 3:30 a.m. and take two regular Tylenol and generally I am able to sleep until 6:30 or so. Please don't write to me about Tylenol overdose as I have cleared my intake with the doctors. Once treatment starts, I'm told the ear pain dissipates and at that time, I hope to eliminate the pain pills. Not feeling 100% is a challenge for someone who always feels 110% but by evening, both my mouth (no comments please) and body are tired.

Our days remain busy. Yesterday we had visits from an old Theta Xi, some even older Delta Sigs, and a trio of Phi Sigs which is scary in of itself. We sat in the drive way, and I watched them drink beer while I treated myself to 50 cans of Ensure. We shared hearty laughs and told the same old stories we'd told for years. It was great fun. All three of these visits were spontaneous and often times what is unplanned turns out to be the best.

Today we went to church, took a walk, and will mow the lawn. See, we do keep busy and life goes on but having this "thing" on one's agenda is a bit of a mental burden for us. I will share a quick visual with you: I've always brushed, flossed, water pic'ed, and gargled. I don't even have to look but I'm sure the visual/sound performance I give when I gargle these days is an event Diane needs to be spared. I go in the bathroom, close the door, turn on the fan, and then I make these horrible noises as I attempt to get mouth wash down the side of my throat to the effected area to deaden the pain. I assume I make the sound of a wounded Yeti. In addition to the noise I make, mouthwash spills everywhere as my throat is apparently clogged in part by the tumor and the mouthwash has no where to go. It is a rather odd new battle and certainly one of those indignities of my "new normal."

Finally, bear with me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this journey is not going to be much fun but it will end and I will be cured. As movie star Bette Davis said in All About Eve, "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride."